Big Brother

On Monday night (Oct. 18), while drying off from the bath, James asked if he could have a pet of his own. He wanted something that he could cuddle (his fish are hard to cuddle) and that wouldn’t run away (Kissa, our cat, has an understandable fear of kids). I could only think that somehow he sensed that something was up. Sarah and I had to restrain ourselves from saying, “Will a baby do?”

At the kitchen table, after dinner on the following Thursday, homework completed, the last of the pudding scarfed, Sarah asked James to sit in her lap because we wanted to tell him about a big surprise we had for him. Head nestled against Sarah’s chest, he immediately guessed that he was getting a hamster. We said that it was an even bigger surprise. He awaited our next comment eagerly with wide, puzzled eyes. We told him he was going to be a big brother. He leaned back, looked at Sarah, eyes widening further, the puzzlement instantly turning to glee. I said, to give him a location for his affection, “It’s in Mummy’s tummy.” He gave Sarah a big hug and came over to me with another hug. Then stepping away, he stood between us and said very maturely, “I know how this happened." (“Oh no,” we thought.) Pointing at each of us, he said, "This baby came from you guys. I came from my real dad and mum. You guys made this baby.”

We asked James if he would like to see pictures of the baby and pulled out the ultrasound scans which are amazingly detailed and clear (see pictures). We pointed out different features and, one particular scan which showed the baby picking its nose. We commented that James must have left a note behind in mommy’s tummy with instructions.  

Our baby

Baby's legs

Baby's fingers

We told him we didn’t know whether it would be a boy or a girl but that we would tell him as soon as we knew. Thus, over the course of the next few days, began the litany of questions, concerns, ideas, and thoughts – all betraying his excitement.

Practical: What should we call it? When will it be born? How old will it be when it’s born? Will we have enough money? If not, you can use money from my money pot. How old does the baby have to be before we can go on holiday?

Heart-wrenching: (To Sarah, who had a difficult childbirth with James) What happens if you die when you give birth? What happens if the baby dies before it is born?

Scientific: How does it eat? How does it breath in there? Where does the wee go? Where does the poop go?

General: It must be really dark in there.

Nurturing: He asked Sarah to open her mouth so that he could offer the baby advice, relishing his role as big brother.

We were relieved to see James’s response. We had anticipated disappointment at losing his place at the center of the universe. Of course, the baby is still an abstraction to him so we'll keep you posted.